I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
