My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
