you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
