I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
accomplished twins. life is a go
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
