i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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