I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
