oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
