So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
