this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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