We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
