jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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