is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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