How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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