I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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