Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
