we're blogging at a bar
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
false alarm. still invincible.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
