she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If I die, sorry about rent.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The adults are the big ones right?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
