Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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