Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
