I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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