Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
