so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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