I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Can you bring me the toilet please
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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