i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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