I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
