Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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