even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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