is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
