I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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