is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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