ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
