I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
