I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize