There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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