HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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