i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
