she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
