girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
