No awkward lesbian experiences without me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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