Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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