my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
