You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
