Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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