Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i came on her dog
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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