Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
