i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
