Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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