Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
