when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
