he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
