I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
