Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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