i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
