are you so shy because you have an std?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
