I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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