he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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