I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Randomize
