Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
