Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
