i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
