Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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