And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
