I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
