be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
