I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
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You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
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You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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