Do you still have your period?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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