fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
