"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
