So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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