Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
