Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There are leaves in my underwear?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
