woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
